One

I'm unsure where lines are drawn
And that is more or less the truth
I'm losing track of boundaries
And that too is some sort of truth.
It's been said a hundred times
And here it's being said again -
we learn the same lessons anyways -
I don't know where I end.

I don't know where the future starts
Or where my past is not the present.
And that is the truth.
I don't know why this road intersects
With another by a name any different
And that is the truth.
I don't know why I feel
Like I'd be a stranger
At the parties in the backyard
Of the house around the corner.

In summer, their fires
Echo in the suburbs
And we feel old.
We're not spending nights
The way we did,
Our backs to the pavement
Eyes to the moon.

I don't know where I'm alone
Or why I'd ever want to be.
And that is the truth.
I don't know where it is
That we went our separate ways
And that is half truth.
I couldn't tell you why I've felt
So scatterbrained .
Or have you been feeling it too?
I've been forgetting to remember
We're all in pieces together.

Only I can tell me
Our love is in we.
Only we can tell ourselves
How to be.
And that is the Truth.

This is for you. This is for everyone.

For my friends. my family. my enemies. myself.

You've left a trail of blood, just as everyone before you has. Never hate yourself for the things you've done. Don't hate others for what they've done to you. Instead try to see that we have all gone insane. You are a cynic, a liar, a hypocrite, and a villain. I tell myself these things until they become true and only then do I see the trouble we insist on causing ourselves. And in a less intellectual tone, more so what I actually am, I'd only like to say just shut the fuck up already. I thought high school was over. We are all so guilty of horrible things. And in justifying ourselves we have simply gone too far. Just know that you are no better than any common person. You are no more or no less than them.... burning bridges is too much work anyhow... the smoke gets in your eyes.

True Romance

We all live out the same screenplay. We all exist within the same romance. The love you share today with the one who loved someone else just yesterday may be someone else's love tomorrow. We are all firing at will with the idea in our heads that this is for real; "this time it's for me, this is the one, this is what I've been waiting for", we tell ourselves this so many times it becomes convincing. We overlook the fact that those around us walk with the same ideals. And these ideals become perpetual in that the first time we are disappointed with them we become convinced that the next will truly succeed.
The boy meets girl story, through a series of events only capable of being told on the silver screen, or so it seems. But tis is real life and the happiness is overwhelming once the obstacles have been overcome. Heartbreak in the past of both parties, the detrimental effects of abusive relations, the confidence to overpower their parents' will. And thus they are in love. Boy meets girl; boy sees young man looking at girl. Now this young man faces a dilemma all too familiar to the boy himself. This young man is left to wonder how on earth could this happen, how could he have fallen for the girl of his dreams only to see she has been swept away in romance. The young man will soon be a boy. And the boy will soon see that caution can be just as dangerous.

Think about it.

We will all know heartbreak, we will all know love, we will all know rejection, we will all know how it feels when someone truly touches our heart. Yet there are so many times throughout our lives that we will know all of these things; And by those means true romance will never exist with the paths we've forged. So why not throw caution to the wind? You've played both parts. We have all been lovers, friends, jerks, and villains. It should be clear by now that these romances come and go like the seasons change. And furthermore, there are billions of these romances that we will never have, despite how good they may be. In some this idea may instill hope, in others fear. However, the point remains; True romance will only exist when you decide it's time to stop living a dream and realize that you're not fooling anyone.

I could be completely wrong... I have no idea.

The cure

Im sick of coming home at night to drink until I cant see, to smoke until i cant breathe. Im sick of this being the only way I can fall asleep at night. Im sick of feeling lonely and feeling the urge to go home when home is something so far I way the effort is completely useless. Im sick of knowing that this apology inside of me will never be delivered; though I've made a promise to myself to say Im sorry the next time i see her. I want to feel something else again, anything other than this. Im so tired of feeling lonesome when my friends are the best in the world..... Im so tired of being alone. Im so tired of being stoned and drunk. Im 18. This is not life!

Karma

Bad things come in perpetual waves of constant disappointment and crippling degradation. Considering what is "fair" or not is a practice in futility. There are nights in which I hope to God a deer finds itself head on with my car at fifty miles per hour. My car is my only friend. The windows are open and the music is on; I let the world know how I feel... and it's not good.

Tonight.

Someday soon I will look back at my youth and understand just how self enamored we all truly are. To be so young and to take ourselves so seriously is nothing short of chaos. However, the process must continue. I lose track of now and set my sights upon the future, considering all that could possibly be, and in this respect I have become the only force liable for the destruction of my creations. It is still not over, not in my mind, not in my dreams. This is the haunt of bitterness and anger, of lust and rejection. I am stepping into the void again, I am glaring into the distance. Is anyone looking back? I sure as hell hope so... I need a good savior.

Someone Saved Me.

I see you now and thank God I never held on. Your investment in a world that I can only see as dark and deep as the ocean itself is bearing down on you. Had you taken me with you I would have done nothing to stop this. However, the fact of the matter is this; the change you sought
has been delivered in a wave of perpetual lies and facades over the faces of the friends you have created. This fact is making it so much easier to get my head around you, and for many moments I find that the positivity surrounding my life right now allows me to entirely dismiss how horribly unkind you were. I cannot continue without mentioning that I myself should have been much more wise in the things I did, however your incessant knack for keeping me in your lap burned a hole through the side of my head and dismantled everything inside of me telling me that it was all wrong. I sincerely hope that you have found something you feel is worth while, and that you are as happy as you're pretending. I can't stand you for ever liking me. That's as honest as I'll ever be. How horrible it is to give your heart and soul and receive bull shit in return.